50 Reasons Not To Date A Programmer
- They are weird and geeky.
- They have horrible fashion sense.
- They like facial hair.
- They are lazy.
- They are impatient.
- They commit hubris. For example, they create trees.
- They curse. A lot.
- Then they go deeper. They recurse.
- When you ask them to call you, they’ll ask if you want it to be by-value or by-reference.
- They hate repetitions. Routines for them aren’t chores, but something they invoke. That is, they have somebody (read: you) do their chores.
- They like arguments.
- Java to them is the programming language, not the island in Indonesia, or the coffee grown there.
- Pe(a)rl and ruby to them are programming languages, not gemstones.
- If you ask for small talk, they will think you are asking them to teach you programming.
- Love for them is just a function.
- They treat you as an object.
- They do not converse well. They communicate by passing messages.
- They write to you in 1’s and 0’s.
- If you want to go to some place for a date, they’ll hesitate because “it’s bad practice”.
- They don’t like pasta.
- They always point out flaws whenever computers are shown in movies.
- They spend all their time on the computer.
- You can’t bug them. They would rather stare at their debug logs, than look at you.
- They give you instructions.
- They sometimes command people to make them sandwiches.
- For them, unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck are OS commands.
- They model relationships with diagrams.
- They always look for problems.
- They solve relationship problems with flowcharts.
- They fantasize. About Big-O.
- If you ask them if you look fat, they’ll give you a blank stare because all they could think of is the old file system developed by Microsoft.
- Whenever you ask for something as a gift, they’ll tell you “you ain’t gonna need it”.
- They don’t heed warnings because they only worry about errors.
- They think they can achieve world domination with their programs.
- Their friends are mostly programmers or IT people.
- They discuss about IDEs, and programming fonts with their friends.
- They always crack programming jokes and spout computer jargons.
- They fervently debate about esoteric computer topics.
- Their expressions are not regular.
- They correct your usage of “and”, “or”, “nor”.
- They scrutinize the logic of your actions.
- They think in terms of algorithms.
- They relate real-life entities with data structures like queues, bags, maps, dictionaries, and of course, trees.
- They unnecessarily complicate trivial things. Like, when they give change.
- They are always very careful when dining with other people around a table.
- They prefer that you are explicit with your thoughts and actions.
- They think programming is like sex.
- They always want it simple, especially when kissing.
- They sometimes do it quick-and-dirty.
- They orgasm every time they make their programs run faster.
Programming Pickup Lines
Some cheesy programming pickup lines I gathered from the web:
“Are you an exception? Let me catch you.”
“Can you be my private variable? I want to be the only one with access to you.”
“Are you an applet? You make me feel all GUI (gooey) inside.”
And a Filipino one:
“Di na tayo kailangang i-cast pa; magkatype na tayo, e…”